I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
