I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
