Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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