piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
