You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
