Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
