He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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