I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
