Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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