Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
