Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
