currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
