you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
high people should be assigned attendants
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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