i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
