Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
