I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
