A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
