I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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