hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
