I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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