R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
