Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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