If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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