You're so nebulous sometimes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
