I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
