I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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