$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
