Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we're making bets on your personal life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
