I'm gonna have a badass scar
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
