Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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