If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
