I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
