Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
3 2 1 whiskey
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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