some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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