Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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