Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
