Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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