looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
