I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
