Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
