I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
