Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
