Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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