you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
