I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
