kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
