just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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