Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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