Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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