Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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