It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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