and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
