He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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